Life is always a struggle

WOW this week has been the biggest struggle of a week I have had in a long time - other than when my daughter got married - Wilma's passing has been one of the greatest losses I have ever experienced - I cried and cried last night just so sad - I am getting a new puppy tomorrow but she will never replace my Wilma - she was my chunker bunker and always will be - how has this effected my weight - well, I have stayed on track but the urge to stuff myself is so there I can taste it - but i have resisted and still have not eaten mc'd's so as much as I am sad I am proud of myself - food is a necesary evil for me - you must eat to survive but I have survived just to eat - no more and I have proven that over this week - thanks all for your encouragement - weigh in day is tomorrow at 9:00 am - wish me luck :) :) :)

SAD SAD SAD

So today my Wilma was hit by a car and passed away - she got out of the garage while it was shutting and was hit - I am so sad I can not even express my feelings - I want to just eat my feelings away, but I am so lucky my daughter sent me an encouraging text about eating healthy so I am resisting and trying to stay on track - we got monicals pizza for dinner and I ate 5 pieces not 15 - I don't know how to get through this without gourging myself and my feelings down - its how I survive its what is normal to me - I am ashamed that this is how I have always handled my stress - I dont want to go backwards but I don't know how to move forward either - I pray that God gives me strength to work through this with out leaning on food!!

Weight Watchers Weigh in!!!

So yesterday I didn't post becasue life had me super busy - I went to dinner at my friend Amy's house - she is so sweet - I told her that I would eat before becasue I was dieting and she said heck not - she made us all grilled chicken salad - I am so thankful for supportive families and friends who are making this jounrney so much easier!! The last two days have been so stressful and normally I turn to food to help with that - I have stayed within my points and am so happy to say I overcame some challenges - 1st challenge - I had cash yesterday and cash in my hand is always bad - got to spend it for some reason - so I took Chad, my ride to work partner, to work yesterday and was CRAVING my go to breakfast - pepsi and crackers - I had such an internal battle - eat it in the car with no one around and I can get away with it - CRAZY I know but this is how my mind works with food - but I didn't go to the gas station I went right to work and ate my ww breakfast meal I had and drank that lovely water - HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!
It has been 7 days since I have had a meal at mcdonalds again HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!
Every thursday is Rotary where lunch is served and you have 3 choices - made the healthy choice and didn't even eat it all because once I was satisfied I stopped and drank water - 3rd HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!!! needless to say I am pretty proud of the last week - its hard but I have a goal in sight - I no longer want to hide in my house because I am overweight - I am trying to join the world again and feel better about myself!!
Had first weigh in at ww - lost 3.4 lbs - current weight 199.6 - out of the 200 range!!! YEAH!!!!!

I did it!!!

So today I was faced with a new challenge - up to this point I had controlled all of my eating by eating at home or bringing my lunch - well my job requires that I take potential clients to lunch or attend different lunch meetings - so today was my first day at making healthy choices at a restaurant - my first accomplishment was ordering a water with lemon - no pepsi and the restaurant was a pepsi establishment my very favorite drink in the world - so that was a huge thing for me - 2nd I ordered a steak sandwich - unfortunately due to the incredients on the sandwich that I have never heard of I didn't and/or couldn't count the points for it - HOWEVER, i only ate half of the sandwich - AND it came with these wonderful flavored waffle fries and I only allowed myself 3 and stuck to it - after half the sandwich was gone and the 3 fries were gone I covered my plate with my napkin and was done - yeah for me!!!!! This may seem so small to so many people out there but to me its HUGE!!! watching my co-worker drinking her pepsi and eating all of her food I was so jealous I wanted to just devour all of my food but I kept picturing my long term goal and that was a good inspiration to control my portion!! Hope everyone had a great day - I have my first follower - thanks so much for your kind words and inspiration!!

Biggest Loser

So today I weighed in for the Biggest Loser contast I have entered - my starting weight 200lbs - dear lord when did I let my self get this way or should I say weight???????? my headache is better and I did give in to the pepsi but only one - and I counted it so that is even better. Story to tell - when I went to weigh in there was an overweight girl there - no negativity about that statement - she was talking to the dr who is monitoring our weigh in's about joining BL - she said that she could not join because it was a drawing and she didn't win a spot to get in - i over heard the conversation and of course interupted by saying that no that was not accurate that anyone can join in as long as they pay their $25 and this week was the first weigh in - she then asked how it worked so I explained that it was based on the percentage of weight loss so it would be fair to everyone - she futher asked if they were also doing measurements - I said no that wasn't part of this biggest loser contest - she asked if I knew a contest that did have the measurements included and I told her no that I didn't and I was sorry - furthermore she said that the contest wasn't fair because you couldn't stop people from taking diet pills and starving themselves - I said well I would hope that people did this the healthy way and not do that but she was correct that people could do that - last thing she said was that again the contest wasn't fair because if someone my size lost 5 lbs vs someone her size losing 5 lbs that I would be the winner because of our size difference - I said yes she was correct but that is why it is based on percentage not weight loss - anyway - what did I walk away with you ask???? she doesn't want to join our contest and was making a million excuses as to why not - I have done this FOREVER - yes I said every sunday that tomorrow was the day - by 8:15am that was broken as I had my pepsi and my crackers in my hand and was shoving them in my mouth - It is so hard to not go back to that and yes I know its only been 5 days but this has been the longest I have gone without my "breakfast of champions" in at least 3 years!!!!! today is a new day!!!

So its day 5 of the diet and I have been doing great - staying within my points and trying to stay away from Pepsi - however, I have a horrible headache and medicine doeesn't seem to help :(
I think I am going to use 3 points today just to get a bit of caffeine in my body and hope to help my headache - I miss mcdonalds cheeseburgers and fries - I read a post on the ww website that said take a 1 point bun, boca burger, 2% cheese and it tastes like a real cheese burger - so I tried it and nnnnnooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppppppppppe it doesn't but I was full and it wasn't completely horrible - struggling with drinking so much water but doing ok with it - I am afraid to eat out because I am not sure I can make good choices so I am not eatling out yet but that will come - if my headache goes away I am going to kickboxing tonight and my ww partner and bff says I will earn 7 activity points - that is inspiration enough - thanks to Joy Michelle for answering all my questions and being my ww buddy - thanks to my sister for all of her support - love them both dearly!!!

a new day

So today I have again started my weight loss journey - today I weigh more than I have ever weighed before 203 lbs - I am truely an emotional eater - whether i am happy, sad, stressed, bored, whatever the emotion I am usually eating - my bff and I joined weight watchers together again last night and I LOVE our meeting leader - she is fun, full of energy and inspiration - I am going to do it this time. Some of my obstacles are of course I love food and Pepsi - I have had one pepsi today, compared to my usual 4 or 5 so that is a good thing for me AND I did not go to mcdonalds all day - to some this is a no brainer but to me this is a huge accomplishment - my sister is my biggest cheerleader - she knows my stress about food and weight and even though she is not on a weightloss journey she is willing to be nothing but a support system to me - love her for that - she is the bestest sister a girl could ask for :) :) Well I need to plan my dinner I have 11 points left to eat so I think a boca chicken sandwich has my name on it! Check in tomorrow I hope to still be on track!!