Its been a LONG time

So it has been a while since I have blogged - I could say I have not had time but honestly ymineou make time for what you want to do - I have been failing at dieting - I seriously love food and not just food but bad food - I think about it all the time - I can't blame it on the holidays because I am finding ways to find bad food - BUT - I am making some big decisions and changes in my life right now - I have decided to quit my job and move to florida - so many reasons why but basically I have wanted to move there forever or at least since my dad moved there - I miss him and my sister terribly - its easy to tell people who will support me but people who will be angry with my decision or it will hurt is gonna be really hard - but I have to go through with it because it is for me and I can't continue to live for everyone else. Its scary but it is a good thing and I am determined to go and start a new life - yes a new me - so losing weight before I move is something I really really want to do - I am downsizing everything in my life and that will include my weight - I am back on my game and will continue to post and keep you up to date - love you all!!

LONG TIME NO POST

Ok sorry again for the delay in posting - I have been in alot of pain lately and have not been following my ww diet - however, I went to my meeting tuesday night and had lost 4.6 lbs last week - YEAH for me :) :) - almost have made a full 10 lbs only .4lbs away - keeping my fingers crossed that I make it this week - this week has been a challenge because I had some stress with some health problems that honestly I was very concerned about being in pain and having your doctor tell you that you are a medical mystery was about more than I could take - but I have not binged I have not been snacking so I still think I am having a good week considering - I got my call today that what I have is treatable and all will be good in a few weeks - yeah!! so back to the diet I will start - good news fruit is now a zero point food - apples, bananas, watermelon, grapes - etc.... so that is awesome for me - the new plan is a bit confusing but I will figure it all out - no problem!!

Thanks for your support as always!!

Lifeu

So today has been an exhausting emotional day - first of all I have a horrible headache that won't seem to go away and that is never fun - 2nd I had a Pepsi - I could not say no - scared me that the drive was so strong to get it and I didn't say no - I feel like a failure but in ww they say you will fall but get up and brush yourself off and start again so I am trying to do that - second of all I attended my first overeaters anonomyous meeting - and yes I knew someone there - I almost fell out of my chair but I stayed and talked - yes I did - you are supposed to say your name and that you are food addict - well instead I said my name is Josie and I am really nervous - ok well I continued with struggling with dieting for a long time - how horrible I feel and how bad I feel like a failure and yes I started to cry just felt like I needed to purge these feelings - I talked about being an emotional eater and understanding logically ww and their program but emotional something is missing - 5 of the people in the group were shaking their heads like they got it - made me feel alot better - so they have another meeting on thursdays that starts at 5:30 - in January they are going to be studying the 12 steps of recovery in that group so I think I might start that in January - overall I am really really glad I went - it felt like a big weight was taken off of my shoulders - I am not alone!!! and that is great news!! Did well with eating on points and another weigh in day tomorrow night - we will see how it goes - I owe my daughter $20 for my weightloss to catch up my shopping trip celebration :) :)

an ah ha moment as they say

So I have been reading this book called Locked Up for Eating Too Much!! Its a book about a girl who is an overeater aka food addict and her journey through a treatment facility. For ever I have said I am not a sweet eater I am a salt and crunch eater - however, by reading this book I have had an ah ha moment - although I am not a chololate lover I do love sugar - almost everything I eat has sugar in it - especially what I crave to drink - pepsi, lemonade, anything that has sugar - this is why I don't like diet - so what does this all mean - well from what I have read until I break my sugar addiction I will continue to crave it - ugh - so where to start - by giving up pepsi - I vow to go 21 days with no pepsi - that will be huge for me - I LOVE MY PEPSI!!!! Ihave cut down a ton by only drinking one maybe 2 per day but that craving is so strong - so tomorrow is day with no pepsi - it also will help with my points - each pepsi is 3 points and I only get 25 points a day - this is gonna be hard to say the least but hopefully it will help me with my weight goal - so tomorrow I am attending overeaters anonomyous for the first time - I am no longer nervous - no one will be looking at me saying wow she is a big girl - they will hopefully become the support system I am looking for and need through this thing we call life - I love you my supporters - thanks for listening!!!
wish me luck on the pepsi - this is gonna be tough!!!

A new day

So I haven't been doing the greatest on this healthy change of lifestyle - I have asked the question - if you are an emotional eater what then do you do with the emotions you are trying to stuff down? No one has been able to answer this question so I think it is something I need to find on my own - kickboxing has helped but sometimes the times for that class are hard to get to - but I am going tomorrow :) :) :)
it does help me destress - but the question is what am I stressed about - I have a great life - honestly the best life - I think the answer is fear - fear of the unknown - I hate not knowing what the future holds in so many area of my life
So what are my fears - well where shall I start
biggest fear - is letting people down - my kids, family, co-workers really anyone - and even myself - which is a new thing for me -
anyway I need to stop being afraid and need to say that no matter what the future may hold I will still have those things that I cherish most - my kids - and my family - well most of my family that is :) - I do miss my brother but I don't know what to do to change it so I am just trying to accept that and move on
so what good is going on - well so many things - first of all I went back to ww and weighed in - I did not look at my weight because I knew I had gained and I didn't want to face it - but no one was in the lobby so I talked to Annie - the ww leader that I love - and told her of my stresses of not knowing what to do with the stress that I have been eating for so many years - of course I got teary eyed and she told me I was not alone that most of the people who are overweight are stress eaters - she asked if I would bring the topic up and I said no I didn't have the strength or confidence to do so - she said she would - I felt better after I talked to her but there is still this thing that I am missing - well I walked in the meeting room and saw a woman who was like I know you - initially I was like SHIT I have been found out - well it turned out that the woman is my new son-in-law's aunt that my daughter just loves - she and I exchanged phone numbers and emails and are now going to be each other's support system - she found me on facebook so I sent her a message today just wishing her a good day

The other good things was the subject of the meeting last night - Annie says if you eat an entire chocolate cake - don't give up get up and brush your self off and move on - don't punish yourself for it - so I am TRYING to do that - today was not a good food day - stacia my baby and I went to ISU - she is leaving for college in August and wow I am scared - where does that leave me??? I have been a mom since I was 17 and I feel like yes I will always be a mom but here comes that change that I struggle with so much - so I have decided that I am going to NOT stay home all weekend and just clean or putz around every weekend I will do something with Mike or my friends - I feel better and it always helps my depression that yes I also struggle with - ok long post just alot to get out
btw I went to go to overeaters anonomyous and haha I went to the wrong location so next monday I now have the correct location and I am no longer scared I am excited I think it will help and with my new support system I am gonna do this!!!!

OE

OE = Overeaters Anonomyous - they have a group here in springfield that meets monday nights at 5:15 - I am going to go this monday and check it out - what I am missing in this journey is help with the psychological aspect of weight loss - sometimes I think I have failed because on some level its safe to be overweight - yes I know I need help :) what does that mean - it means I have been hurt before and if I am overweight I won't have people that want to get close to me so I won't get hurt - silly I know - Many people love me just the way I am - so obviously its not working - problem - I don't love myself - but I have researched OE and think this might help - I am willing to try - they had like 20 questions and I had yes for more than half - and they said if you said yes to 3 then maybe OE was for you - had a pretty good day - went to chuck e cheese had a salad and only 2 pieces of pizza and I was satisfied :) :) plus for lunch instead of stopping on my way home from work I came home and ate a smart ones meal - :) :) very good for me - can you tell this journey is difficult - seriously I think about food all the time but hopefully I am going to find the tools necessary to make a true change with my health and keep it that way - thank you for your support - I just realized that one of my fans is sending me messages - so excited to read those - THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSISTENT SUPPORT!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!

long time no post

First I must apologize for not posting for so long - I didn't realize it had been over two weeks - I have been having good and bad days - today I finally stepped on the scale in fear but was happy to see I had not gained any weight back - so I was already to get refocused and then the day started - I was good until about lunch where I was late to rotary and everyone was waiting for me to start the meeting - stress is never good for me when I am trying to be healthy so I ordered walleye before even taking time to think and it was not a good choice - I am a stress eater - the food kept coming all day - nothing big but just snacking which I know is bad - dinner was subway and I had sweet onion chicken terrikiy or how ever you spell it - very good but now my stomach hurts from eating all day - its amazing how bad I feel when I don't eat healthy all day - so I read a post on fb today about a girl who gets up at 5 am everyday to work out for an hour and how much she dreads it but how good she feels when she is done - what an inspiration she is to me - so tomorrow is a new day and I am going to get back on track and get this weight off - I am so tired of being fat and embarassed to take my coat off because I think everyone is whispering about my size - sometimes I was to just give up but I can't - I want to change my life to a healthy life style I want to live a long time so I can bug my children all the time with my opinion - I am calling my dr again tomorrow to request another beginning steps for chantix I quit smoking before and I need to again - I want to be healthy and to stop hiding from the world - hiding is easier so that is why I am struggling with the other - but I am searching for the strength to get back up brush myself off and say today is a new day - thanks for listening I bet it doesn't make much sense but my relationship with food is such a love hate relationship - love food but hate that I am so fat - hate that I turn to it in times of stress - hate that I am embarassed about the person I am today - I am off work tomorrow and am going to start the day with a 30 minute walk - no reason not to I am off work - every new habit must begin with that first step - so tomorrow the steps are starting - which me good luck and keep that motivation and support coming - love you all!!!! (both) :) thank you for your positive reinforcements and believing in me so much more than I ever believe in myself!